Monday, March 22, 2010

One hurdle jumped...

Well... I accomplished a little hurdle this past weekend. One of my sorority sister's is getting married and she had her bachelorette party here in the twin cities. I was super excited about it, I would get to see some girls I haven't seen since my wedding! Although I had major feelings of being excited, unfortunately leading up to it were feelings of utter nervousness. Like I said... I hadn't seen these girls since my wedding... so 50 pounds and a bloated face later, my self esteem hasn't been too high. I know they don't care, but its a personal or as Chris would think "girl thing."

It was really hard for me to muster up the courage, as its always easier to just not go and hide under the covers. I even wore a dress, which hasn't happend in nearly a year. Its so hard getting ready these days... nothing fits right and everytime I look in the mirror I want to cry. I know its only temporary, but it doesn't make things any easier. Chris is amazing, telling me how great I look and everything, but although his words help, its how I feel inside that I just can't change until my "normal" face is back.

So, driving into Minneapolis I was really nervous, but once I got to the party all of my nervousness faded. It was SUCH A POSITIVE BOOST of energy to see old friends... all of my insecurities immediately left. I almost completely forgot I was "sick" quite frankly... until we started walking to the restaurant. That was a little stretch for me, but I did it. By the time we got to the restaurant my lungs were on fire and my legs felt like rubber, although it was only a few blocks. Luckily for me, I have learned to just stand in the corner and breath slowly through my nose to calm down my breathing. It takes about 15 minutes, but as long as I don't spaz out about not being able to breath properly, its something I can easily deal with.

I had to leave around 9 pm, due to medicationg and such, but it was so great to see everyone and have a distraction. Although leading up to it I had a lot of insecurities and was really nervous, I realized I was surrounded by people that didn't care what I looked like, just as long as I was me. So... one hurdle jumped.

Chris and I were able to walk outside again today. The breathing is getting a lot better, I only had to stop twice and they were only for about 2 minutes. Chris keeps saying "baby steps." I'm starting to get antsy to reach the toddler stage. I know patience is a virtue, but I'm going on a year and a half now... you can see why I would be ready to go. After the walk, my muscles were sore so I ended up taking one of my "epsom" salt baths. This is great for anyone dealing with muscle soreness. Its become my life saver in the past few months. After that, I started to feel the fatigue of the weekend and did have a little low grade fever, luckily it only lasted for about an hour and a half.

Big doctor appointment on Wednesday... a little anxious about it. Hopefully I learn more about what the next steps and will be able to go down to 20 mg. of prednisone! The day I'm completely off prednisone I'm throwing a party... just you wait! :)

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