Saturday, September 18, 2010

Anxiety ridden...

So it's 1:40 am on Friday... I can't sleep.  Too much on my mind as of late, as well as the fact that I took a nap this afternoon, I should KNOW better!

My mind and heart are heavy tonight.  Many things have been happening as of late in our lives, A LOT OF GOOD and some little speed bumps.  One of the BIG things going on right now is the fact that I have a TWO HUGE doctor's appointments, one this coming Monday and one the following Monday.  In the next week, Chris and I will learns if 1. I'll be able to go off prednisone and 2. What my lung scarring (fissures is the technical term) is like.  I haven't had a CT scan in about a year, so we'll see what will be most likely permanent and what has the possibility to heal.  My heart is heavy with these two appointments for the main fact that I'm scared.  The question of "Do I have this under control?" will pretty much be answered in the next week.  I feel like I've been sick FOREVER and just want a break from all of the medical stuff.

Which brings me to how I've been feeling... not as hot as I was on previous posts.  My body is slowly starting to tell me... hey its time for another infusion.  In the past week I've been extremely tired... not sleepy tired, but FATIGUED tired.  To top it off, my rashes on my eyes started to show up this week.  BINGO, my disease is starting to be a little active.  Which I expected as I am close to that 6 month mark when I need the infusions.

My anxiety seems to be getting the best of me lately and that's partly due to the medication.  But literally, I'll get nervous, sweat and get sick to my stomach just to go out to eat... yes I am that pathetic right now.

It's times like these I'm thankful I have a VERY understanding husband, and great family and friends to lean on.  I've been SOOOO fortunate as of late as mom has been up twice in the past 2 weeks.  My great friend, Heather and her boyfriend Brian came up to the twin cities for a night and we got to have brunch with them, a phone call from Jess during the week to brighten the evening, dinner with sorority sister Trisha to VENT and just catch up, and last, but not least, phone calls with Molly planning her wedding... even surprise lunch dates tomorrow, since she's up here for her future sister-in-law's bachelorette party.  I'm so grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life.  So for you that I listed and have not listed... thank you.  It helps to soften all of the medical issues.

A lot of people have been asking how things are going for me with Chris starting back part-time to get his MBA at the University of MN.  Well... no worries, all is well on the Hatch front in that department.  We have gotten into a groove, and I know this will only be 3 years.  Plus, he seems to be enjoying his classes, which is great to hear.

Well... that's the update.  Crazy kind of and just a rant, so I apologize for that.  Please say a little prayer Monday for good news... We could use all the prayers we can get.

Still not tired, but will try to fall asleep.  I need to be fresh faced to greet some of my favorite people tomorrow.

Good night, sweet dreams.
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